My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
