Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
