I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
