I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
