Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize