The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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