i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
