Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
