Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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