Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
