i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
