I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
