some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
