Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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