Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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