At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
