My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
