I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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