I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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