I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do herpes really smell.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
