Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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