ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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