i wish my penis had a tongue
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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