Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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