I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
