We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
