are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
