best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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