i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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