I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
