What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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