nut hugger
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
