Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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