they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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