You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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