She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
