2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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