i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
