i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just pee around me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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