Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
