i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He kissed a someone with a penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
