I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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