Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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