are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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