I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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