I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize