just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
