he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
