There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bring money and cleavage
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
