just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
