i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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