she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
