How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
