so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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