I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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