Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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