I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
