It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
