I hope mine doesn't look like that
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
