Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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