there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
