I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
