I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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