Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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