My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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