Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
