In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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