I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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