I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize