I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You pole danced in your parka.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
