Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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