I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
