other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
