i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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