yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize