I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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