her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
