Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
