you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
