i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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