Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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