distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
