I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
