is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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