oh god the rape fog is back!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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