shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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