That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I enjoy the company of your penis
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