That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
