Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
