i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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