have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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