Umm I'm too high to move.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
