Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
